Another time it's long ago and far away

The world seems bigger now than it ever seemed before

And set me dreaming as I've never dreamed before

I would gladly walk the earth and sail the sea

If by my side you’d be

The one who's dear to me

You, you are the heart of the melody

You, you are the song doesn’t end for me

Can't you hear it

Why can't we share it

Share the song to the end hand in hand

You, you are the heart of the melody

Now only by listening carefully

Do you believe me

Try to believe me

Surely your heart can understand

When we were young

How we used to run into that valley of ours

We were too young to know about the cares of the world

Then when we were that age

The sun shone all day

The sky was our ceiling

But our valley was our world

You, you are the heart of the melody

Now only by listening carefully,

Do you believe me

Try to believe me

Surely your heart can understand

Miss. Primley:  Absolutely beautiful, Hilda.

Tom: Smashing that Dame.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, thank you, Tom.

Miss. Primley: Evadne your accompaniment was perfection?

Dr. Hinge:  Oh, thank you, Miss. Primley.

Miss. Primley:   I've always felt that the marriage of Hilda's voice and Evadne’s piano creates what I can only describe as green daffodils floating on a serene sea of simplicity.

Dame Hilda: Yes, unless, of course, it's in seven sharps, then the sea becomes a little choppy.

Miss. Primley:  I can feel my emotions starting to vibrate, it's your music, it inspires my inner being.

Dame Hilda:  Stand by for blasting, Evadne, she's feeling poetical.

Miss. Primley:

Pink and purple and red and elastic

The walnut mushroom hides in the corner

What is a table leg

A cockerel barks

And an old woman trips over a waistcoat

Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle

Dame Hilda: Yes, and you say our music inspired that.

Miss. Primley: It did.

Dame Hilda: Evadne, we must get the piano tuned.

Tom:  Do you mean to say you made up that poetry as you said it, Miss Primley?

Miss. Primley: Of course, don't you think it sums everything up? The state of the world, man's inhumanity to man.

Dame Hilda: Yes, and not forgetting the price of a small loaf, they've gone up again, you know, dear?

Dr. Hinge: Don’t you find writing poems a strain, Miss Primley.

Miss. Primley: Not at all.

Dame Hilda: It's listening to them, that's the strain, dear.

Miss. Primley:  I find I can look at any object and immediately create a picture in words, which not only describes the object, but sympathises with its innermost feelings.

Dame Hilda: Well, what about the photograph on the piano of Evadne's mother?

Miss. Primley: Oh, yes, old, wrinkled evil ancient hag.

Dame Hilda: Miss Primley, please.

Dr. Hinge:  Quiet, dear, quiet. She's creating.

Miss. Primley: 

Veiled in a cloak of respectability

She sits in her washing machine

Silently shouting and shelling peas

Abracadabra, it's a trick.

Dame Hilda:  Yes, yes. I can see what you're getting at, it's the shape of her nose, isn't it?

Dr. Hinge: There's nothing wrong with the shape of mother's nose.

Tom: Miss Primley?

Miss. Primley: Yes, Tom.

Tom: How can I put it? You see, I thought it was very good, you know, the poem, in fact terrific, but, er...well, why is she sitting in a washing machine, shelling peas?

Miss. Primley:  The washing machine represents the oppressive surroundings of 20th century society, it's all there, the noise, the constant battering of bodies in this cosmic launderette we call the universe.

Tom:  Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I understand that, the thing is, why is she shelling peas?

Miss. Primley:  Oh, dear. Tell him, Hilda.

Dame Hilda: Yes, pardon?

Miss. Primley: Explain to Tom why she's shelling peas.

Dame Hilda: Well, I should have thought it was obvious, she's getting the dinner ready.

Miss. Primley:  Exactly, right on the nose, Hilda.

Dame Hilda: Yes. I said it was her nose, didn't I?

Miss. Primley: The only thing you haven't mentioned, of course, is the fact that she's wearing purple stockings.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, yes, but I took that as red, ha, ha, ha,! Well, purple, yes.

{Door Knocks.}

Dame Hilda: Oh, that could be Teddy Tranter, early as usual.

Dr. Hinge: He’s late for this meeting, Hilda.

Dame Hilda:  Yes, but I meant he’s normally later than this, so in effect he's early. I'll let him in, coming! Oh, good, it is you, Teddy.

Teddy: Good evening, Hilda love.

Dame Hilda: Good evening, Teddy.

Teddy: I'm not too early, am I?

Dame Hilda:  No, no, not too early, better late than never, we're in here, Teddy, the others are waiting.

Teddy:  Oh, were they early as well?

Dame Hilda: Well, something like that, Teddy, in you go, dear.

Teddy:  Well, hello, everybody.

All: Hello Teddy!

Teddy: Are we all here?

Dame Hilda: We are now.

Tom: We thought you weren't going to make it, Mr Tranter, you know, the meeting.

Dame Hilda: Oh, I knew he would, he's very conscientious, is our town clerk, always willing to help, aren't you, Teddy?

Teddy: Oh, you flatter me, Hilda, love. Well, then, shall we get on with the wine tasting?

Dr. Hinge:  Oh, typical, he's come to the wrong meeting.

Dame Hilda:  And, Teddy, I believe the wine tasting is tomorrow, and it's at the town hall.

Dr. Hinge:  Hilda, may we commence this meeting please?

Dame Hilda: Certainly, now, Teddy, you're in the chair.

Teddy: Oh, thank you, which one? Oh, I see what you mean, yes, now, I think we ought to make a start.

Dame Hilda: Oh, wish I'd said that.

Teddy: Good, now, may we have the minutes?

Dame Hilda: Just a second, ha, ha, ha! second, minutes, well, never mind. Are you all sitting comfortably? Now, then, last week at the inaugural meeting, the committee discussed ways and means of raising money to provide instruments for the school orchestra.

Miss. Primley:

If music be the food of love

And the seaweed calls

To the cockle on a lonely beach

While the jellyfish play the flute

Dame Hilda: Yes, I couldn't agree with you more, dear, but could we get back to the minutes?

Miss. Primley: The mood came on, me, Hilda, I was invoking my muse.

Dame Hilda: Yes, and is that the end of the muse, dear? Ha, ha, ha! Well, we must press on.

Tom:  I've never seen a jellyfish playin’ the flute.

Miss. Primley:  Poetic imagery, Thomas, it conveys patience and tolerance.

Dr. Hinge: And mine are rapidly running out.

Dame Hilda:  I wish someone would run out, dear, I'm losing track of all this. Now, one of the ideas we had was to collect odd balls of wool.

Teddy:  Now, may I say something, Hilda, love?

Dame Hilda: It has nothing to do with thirst, has it, Teddy?

Teddy: No, no, no, it's about the wool, you see, I asked Peggy, she's my wife, you know. 

Dame Hilda:  Oh, yes, we do know she's your wife, Teddy.

Teddy:  Oh, yes, of course you do, yes, well, she couldn't find any spare wool, so she's unravelled one of my pullovers.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, good, good, so now we can sell it to someone who wants to knit a pullover.

Teddy:  Yes, well, that's what I thought, Hilda, so I haven't been all that successful with my wool gathering.

Miss. Primley:  Milk bottle tops!

Dame Hilda: Oh, dear. I think we're in for another epic, Evadne?

Miss. Primley: No, Hilda. I am referring to the ones we've all been collecting since the last meeting.

Dame Hilda: Oh, yes, now that was a brilliant idea, brilliant!

Dr. Hinge:  Yes, you thought of that, didn't you, dear?

Dame Hilda: Well, I knew there was something brilliant about it. Well, now Tom was in charge of the scheme, anything to report, Tom?

Tom:  Oh, yes, I have, Dame, after only seven days, and with everyone's cooperation, I've managed to sell the first batch.

Dame Hilda: Good, good, how much did you sell them for?

Tom: Twenty-three pence.

Dr. Hinge: Yes, a brilliant idea.

Dame Hilda: At least it was start, dear, well done milk bottle tops, we're twenty-three pence in credit.

Tom:  No, we ain't, Dame, you see, I ‘ad to give a kid twenty-five pence to wash ‘em.

Dr. Hinge: Yes, does anyone have any thoughts on raising money to recover Tom's expenses?

Dame Hilda: You're being a bit naughty, Evadne, just because you didn't have any ideas yourself.

Dr. Hinge: But I did, Hilda, I suggested we had a raffle.

Dame Hilda: Oh, yes, I remember, yes, but we all turned the suggestion down because I knew people are fed up with raffles, and they wouldn't buy any tickets.

Dr. Hinge: But they did, Hilda, and here's the six pounds from the proceeds.

Teddy: Oh, I say, Evadne, that is splendid, dear!

Tom:  Well done, Doc!

Miss. Primley:  Huzzah for Evadne, huzzah!

Dame Hilda:  Yes, well done, dear, well, Evadne and I have shown you the way, it shows what can be done if we all pull together, now, does anybody want to buy a raffle ticket?

Dr. Hinge:  Typical.

Tom: ‘ere, Dame, what about a sponsored walk?

Dame Hilda:  Well, not right now, Tom, I'm quite comfy in this chair, thank you, dear.

Tom:  Oh, no, Dame, you know what I mean?

Dame Hilda:  Yes, that has possibilities, a sponsored walk.

Miss. Primley:

Walk with me along a dumpling path

Beneath a sky of yellow, treacle pudding.

Dame Hilda:  And suddenly, I've gone off the idea, Tom.

Tom:  Well, ‘ow about a sponsored swim, then?

Miss. Primley:   Come swim with me amid...

Dame Hilda: Thank you, thank you, dear. yes, well, we'll dismiss that one as well.

Dr. Hinge: You see, Tom, the way we swim, it would turn out to be a sponsored drowning.

Tom: All right, then, me final offer, now, you can't turn this one down, a sponsored sing song.

Dr. Hinge: What do you mean, Tom?

Tom: Well, you know, like that marathon trombonist who played non stop for about three weeks, well Dame ‘ilda could ‘ave a marathon sing?

Dr. Hinge: Oh, dear.

Tom: And the Doc could have a marathon play on the piano.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, dear, twice.

Teddy:  Hilda love, could I say something?

Dame Hilda:  Oh, Teddy, you're still alive, what is it?

Teddy:  Well, if you like, I could ask Peggy to have a marathon knit.

Miss. Primley: And I could, I'm sure, compose a marathon...

Dame Hilda: No, no, I don't think marathons are quite up our street, Tom. Now, come along, let's all concentrate, we're sure to come up with a good idea if we think hard enough... do you want to say something Evadne?

Dr. Hinge: Not particularly.

Dame Hilda:  Well, what about you, Tom? Tom! could you wake him up, please, Miss Primley?

Miss. Primley: Odd jobs.

Dame Hilda:  Err... quite, yes, yes.

Miss. Primley:  We offer our services to the community.

Dr. Hinge:  I think she may have something, Hilda.

Dame Hilda:  I've always said that, dear.

Dr. Hinge: We can place ourselves on call for things like babysitting, dog walking, or perhaps painting fences and things,

Dame Hilda: But not necessarily all at the same time, ha, ha, ha! splendid idea, splendid idea, well done, all of us, I knew we would come up with something.

Teddy:  Yes, well, I think I could manage to wield a paintbrush.

Tom:  Wassat, wassat? Someone mention paint?

Dame Hilda: Oh, you're with us again, Tom.

Tom:  If you want some paint, I could lay me ‘ands on about 237 large tins.

Dame Hilda: Are they dented, Tom?

Tom: What do you mean, Dame?

Dame Hilda: Well, tins do tend to get dented when they fall off the back of a lorry.

Tom:  Oh, no, no, no. Now, this is genuine, ‘onest stuff, they were salvaged from a warehouse fire. You’ll ‘ave to wait till next week, though, that's when they're having the fire.

{Next week.}

Dame Hilda: Heel! Heel! I said heel! Trust! Trust! You are naughty boys, sit, then, sit.

Dr. Hinge: I don't think you'll ever make a dog trainer, Hilda.

Dame Hilda: It's not me dear, it's that labrador that you're supposed to be looking after, it's making so much noise, my dog can't hear my voice.

Dr. Hinge: Yours is making just as much row.

Dame Hilda: Mine is a little excited.

Dr. Hinge: Yours is a little horror.

Dame Hilda: Oh, well, look, let's just lock the gate and release them in the garden.

Dr. Hinge: And after they've had a good run round, we'll take them for a walk.

Dame Hilda: There you are, off you go my little beauties, off you go, that's it, have a good root round in your auntie Hilda's garden.

Dr. Hinge: An unfortunate choice of phrase, dear, they've just uprooted your favourite rose tree.

Dame Hilda: Oh, stop it, stop it! heal! Oh, quick Evadne, after it, come back! Come along, come back, dog! Back, back! Come along!

Dr. Hinge: It's useless, Hilda, he won't understand a word you're saying?

Dame Hilda:  Oh, well, all right, then, Evadne, woof, woof, woof!

Dr. Hinge:  His name! His name! Call him by his name?

Dame Hilda: But the colonel didn't tell me his name.

Dr. Hinge: Well, he told me.

Dame Hilda: Well, what is it?

Dr. Hinge: Pomeroy Prince of Royal Highland.

Dame Hilda: Thank you. Pomeroy Pr...  Oh, I can’t, I can't, I can't stand here shouting out that mouthful, how does the colonel get it to heel?

Dr. Hinge:  Come here, you stupid…

Dame Hilda: Evadne!

{Later.}

Dame Hilda: Well, everyone, have we all finished our coffee?

Tom:  Yeah, thanks, Dame, very nice coffee, too, I don't know what brand it was, but I am in a position to fix you up with some instant stuff any time you run short, Dame.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, have you got a jar to spare, Tom?

Tom:  Er... no, but I can lay me ‘ands on 5,000, actually, know what I mean.

Dame Hilda:  Er...  I’d rather not know what you mean, Tom.

Dr. Hinge:  Well, we could think about it, Hilda, after all, there is a coffee shortage in Brazil.

Dame Hilda: I’m not surprised, I think Tom's got it all, anyway, now that we're refreshed, can we have a resume on the week's fundraising?

Teddy: By all means, Hilda, love, wouldn't it be wonderful if we raised enough money to repair the town hall steps?

Dame Hilda: Teddy, dear, you're wandering again, the town hall steps were repaired only last month.

Teddy:  Well, er... you know, I hadn't noticed.

Dame Hilda: I think the next fundraising scheme should be to buy our town clerk a new pair of spectacles.

Teddy: Very amusing Hilda, love.

Dame Hilda:  Yes, well, let's get on, shall we? And I'd like to say that the Doctor and I have amassed the grand sum of £2.75 p.

Miss. Primley: Well done, Hilda.

Dame Hilda: Thank you, Miss Primley.

Dr. Hinge: And well done, Evadne.

Dame Hilda: Oh, yes, of course, dear, yes, yes, you were helping us as well in your own little way, and Tom was telling me earlier about the success he and Teddy had with their painting. Have you been dyeing your hair, Teddy?

Teddy:  No, Hilda, love, it's paint.

Dame Hilda: Couldn't you afford a brush, dear? Still, yes, dear, it suits you, yes, lovely, lovely shade, yes, yes, Pillar Box Red, is it, Tom?

Tom: Yeah, well, actually, it's funny you should mention that, it's a very same paint they do Pillar Boxes with, yes.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, I see, it fell off a post office lorry, did it? As I said, it suits you, Teddy, has anyone tried to post a letter in your mouth?  Ha, ha, ha! However, how much did you two Picasso's make?

Teddy: Er... £14.50.

Dame Hilda: Oh, it would appear there's more money in kitchen doors than labradors, don’t you wish you'd thought of that, dear.

Dr. Hinge: Well, believe it or not, Hilda, I don't.

Dame Hilda: Pity, and now, Miss Primley, how did you fare with your babysitting activities?

Miss. Primley:  I've delighted to say the sum of £7.25, representing four nights of baby minding and a ruined cardigan.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, yes, I can see it is...

Miss. Primley: Not the one I'm wearing, Hilda.

Dame Hilda: Sorry, my mistake, so what is the grand total Evadne, including the proceeds from our raffle?

Dr. Hinge:  Well, I make it £30.50p.

Dame Hilda: Success, success. Stackton girls high will be pleased.

Miss. Primley:

Happy, happy children

Splashing merrily in a bowl

Of brown windsor soup.

Dame Hilda: Yes.

Dr. Hinge: Well, it's not a fortune, but it's quite sufficient to provide the extra instruments for the school band, in fact, there should be a pound or two left over.

Dame Hilda:  Oh, that's splendid, then there'll be enough to buy us all earplugs.

{High School.}

Dame Hilda: Ladies and gentlemen, and girls of Stackton girls high, it is a privilege to bid you welcome to the first concert ever given by the school orchestra.

Dr. Hinge: Band, dear.

Dame Hilda: What?

Dr. Hinge: Band.

Dame Hilda: Who by? Oh, I see, I see what you mean, dear, you're being pedantic again, aren't you? Yes, the school band and the Doctor and I have been invited to appear as guest conductors.

Dr. Hinge: Alternately, of course.

Dame Hilda: Well, of course, they don't normally have two conductors on the same platform, unless, of course, it's the number 34 to Stackton Parva! Now, a few words about the musicians who are going to entertain us, there's Fiona, Blanche and Melanie on the treble recorders, and Brenda, big girl, she is on the bass, now, I believe three pupils did audition for the triangle, and they were all so good it was decided they should play a side each. Nothing like enthusiasm!

Dr. Hinge: Nothing.

Dame Hilda: Well, I think that covers everybody.

Dr. Hinge: The symbols, dear.

Dame Hilda: Oh, yes, yes, I forgot, she symbols will be played by Elizabeth and not Annabella. You see, during the rehearsals this afternoon, Annabella had an unfortunate accident with the symbols, and we do hope your nose will get better soon. Well, on with the show. Are you ready children? Oh, by the way, by the way, for this performance, the band will be augmented with members culled from the ranks of our own musical society, well done, all right? One, two, three...

{The Blue Danube}

{Crash!}

Dame Hilda:  So, there is some more​?

Dr. Hinge:  No, dear, no, Brenda has fallen on the drum kit

Dame Hilda:  Well, as I said, a big girl, no, Brenda, dear, you don't have to apologise to me, but she should apologise to Johann Strauss. And now, ladies and gentlemen, after that, after that, and while the band is still sorting out the music for their next musical treat, your esteemed headmistress, Miss Primley, has asked the Doctor and I to oblige with a favourite song of hers, but I'm afraid we don't know the words to Hit me with your rhythm stick, just a jest, dear, you didn't write that one, did you? No, very like your writing, but no, no, I didn't think you did. However, we would like to sing for you a favourite song of ours written by Ivor Novello.

The valley fills with martial sound.

On every side I hear the bugle calling

The shadows lengthen all around.

From hill to hill, a fearful light is falling.

Soon the world will be awaking.

Freedom's safe and morning's breaking.

Brave and strong

Bound for France and the fray

In the farewell song while you march away

Soldier lad, soldier lad. take my love

As you hoist your pack

I'll be there at the door

When you're marching back

To your valley once more.

Soldier lad, soldier lad, take my love

As you hoist your pack

I'll be there at the door

When you're marching back

To your valley once more.

To your valley once more

Transcribed by Lorraine Taylor