The Norfolk Broads.
The Lark is singing on high The sun's a shine in the blue The winter is driven away And spring is returning a new Who cares what sorrow may bring What storms may tear us a part No sadness can kill The wonder and thrill of that waltz in my heart Waltz of my heart Haunting and gay Calling enthrallingly waltzing away Ring out your bells for me, ivory keys Weave out your spells for me orchestra please Chorus of wings thrilling the sky While you're inspiring me Time hurries by Joy fans a fire in me Soon as you start sweeping your strings Waltz of my heart The Lark is singing on high The sun's a shine in the blue The winter is driven away And spring is returning a new Who cares what sorrow may bring What storms may tear us a part No sadness can kill The wonder and thrill of that waltz in my heart
Dame Hilda: That song's always been a great favourite of Maud's, hasn't it, dear? Dr. Hinge: I'm afraid it has. Dame Hilda: And you played it beautifully. Dame Hilda: Oh, it's my pleasure. But you know, you always know just exactly how to bring the best out of dear Ivor's music. If I might just mention it though, when we sing it for Maud, I should try to play on some of the black notes as well, dear. Dr. Hinge: What do you mean when we sing it for Maud? Dame Hilda: As an extra special treat for her birthday, and she'll be here in a few minutes, you know. Dame Hilda: Oh, well, if you think so, dear. Dr. Hinge: Oh, yes, I think so, dear. Both:
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Maud.
Maud:
Dear Dame 'ilda
Dame Hilda: No, it's your birthday, dear, we're singing it for you.
Happy birthday to you.
Dame Hilda: Happy birthday, Maud. Maud: Thank you, Dame 'ilda. Dr. Hinge: Yes, happy birthday, Maud. Dame Hilda: And here's your present, Maud. Maud: Oh, Dame 'ilda, you shouldn't. Maud: Ooh, isn't that nice? A China dog. Dr. Hinge: Yes, well, actually, Maud, it's plastic, that was my idea, you see, unbreakable. Dame Hilda: Yes, and while we're on the subject, it's not a dog, Maud, it's a cat. Dr. Hinge: Very good, dear, very good. Dame Hilda: It shouldn't take her long, because there aren't many dishes. Dame Hilda: Now, did you find your rope soled sandals, Evadne? Dr. Hinge: Yes, dear, here they are. Dr. Hinge: Well, I only hope the weekend isn't going to prove a disaster. Dame Hilda: Well, it wasn't my fault. I mean, we weren't told that the boat was tied to the landing stage. I thought it was great fun. Dr. Hinge: I couldn't tell a word he was saying. Dame Hilda: Well, of course, you never were any good at understanding dialect, were you? As I understood every third word he said. Anyway, Mrs. Pangbourne-Flitch recommended him, and that's good enough for me. Dr. Hinge: She's actually been on this boat, has she? Dr. Hinge: Hilda, you make it sound as though we were taking part in the Spithead review. Dr. Hinge: Oh, well, that has eased my mind, at least we shall be spared the hornpipe. Maud: Yes. Dame Hilda: Everything put away? Dame Hilda: No accidents? Maud: No. Maud: 'cept one. Dr. Hinge: Here it comes. Maud: You know the 'ot water tap? Dame Hilda: What top, Maud? Maud: Well, the tap top. Maud: Well, I put it there when it come off. Seemed daft to take it to the Norfolk broads with me. Dr. Hinge: If we get back. Hilda, what time are we meeting Captain Bligh at? Dame Hilda: Well, I said we'd try and be at the boatyard for half past one. Dr. Hinge: Oh, I doubt if we'll make it.
{Norfolk broads.} Dame Hilda: Come along, Maud, don't lag behind me. Dame Hilda: I hope you're not objecting to Milton sharing our little weekend, dear? Maud: Oh, them steps 'ave fair worn me out. Dame Hilda: Yes, well I think you would have made quicker progress if you hadn't put your oil skins on. Dr. Hinge: I know what he means. Dame Hilda: Well, he must be here somewhere, Maud. This is certainly the right boatyard. Dame Hilda: Is he jumping up and down on a dead man's chest? Maud: Oh, I don't like the look of 'im, Dame Hilda, 'e's got a beard. Dame Hilda: What difference does that make? Maud: Well, you know what they say about men that 'as beards. Maud: 'aven't you ever 'eard what they say about men that as beards? Dame Hilda: No, Maud, but I'm fascinated to know. Maud: Well, I'm not telling yer. I couldn't lower meself to speak the words. All I'm saying is, watch 'im. If you knew what I knew, you'd think twice about 'aving dealings with men that 'as beards. Dr. Hinge: You know, Hilda, King George V has suddenly gone down in my estimation. Dame Hilda: Oh, I think he's seen us, dear, he's coming over. Now, Maud, try not to look at his wooden leg. Maud: I don't like 'im, Dame 'ilda. I don't like 'im at all, well, I've 'eard about these white slavers. Mr. Edrich: Unintelligible Sailor talk. Dame Hilda: Ah, you see, your knowledge of French doesn't mean a thing here, Evadne? Dame Hilda: Yes. Well, of course you could be right there, Mr. Edrich. Dr. Hinge: Hilda, what is he saying? Maud: ‘e's looking at me a bit funny, Dame ‘ilda. I don't like that glint in ‘is eye and ‘is beard's twitching. Mr. Edrich: Unintelligible Sailor talk. Maud: Not likely.
{Later.} Dame Hilda: Yes, I see, Mr. Edrich. Now, let's go over all your instructions once again, just to make sure we understand. Dame Hilda: Now, don't exaggerate, Evadne, Now, look, Mr. Edrich, why don't you take us for a ride? Dr. Hinge: I think he's done that already, dear. Dame Hilda: Take us for a ride, and we'll watch how you do it. Dame Hilda: Well, whatever you say, Mr. Edrich, and, Maud, you can't stand on the landing stage all weekend, do get on the boat. Maud: I'm not comin' on there till 'e gets off. Maud: All right, but if 'e starts any hanky-panky. Maud: 'ang on a minute. Dr. Hinge: What is it now? Maud: I feel sea sick. Maud: Oh, right, but keep 'im up 'ere. Mr. Edrich: Unintelligible Sailor talk. Dame Hilda: Yes, well, it's when he pushes that lever. Dame Hilda: Yes, on the footpath, I think. And, here we are, back full circle, well, thank you, Mr. Edrich. Dame Hilda: And we'll see you tomorrow afternoon back here. Dr. Hinge: Or a week on Friday in the South of France. Dame Hilda: Goodbye, Mr. Edrich, and many thanks. Mr. Edrich: Unintelligible Sailor talk. Maud: I'm under 'ere, Dame 'ilda, under the shelf. Maud: 'as 'e gone, then, 'e's not lurking, is 'e? Maud: Yes, 'e looks like a lurker to me. Dr. Hinge: Don't be ridiculous, Maud, come on, let's unpack the suitcases. Maud: Oh, I put the cases in that cupboard. Dame Hilda: Which cupboard, dear? Dame Hilda: Yes, well actually, Maud, that's your bedroom, you know, what they call a cabin. Dame Hilda: Well, I think compact is more the word, and after all, you only need somewhere to sleep. Dame Hilda: Well, of course it's pointed, Maud, it's at the pointed end of the boat. Dr. Hinge: It could be arranged. Dame Hilda: Now look, Maud, if you can't manage, stick one of your legs out of the porthole. Dr. Hinge: Look, Maud, by now he's probably sitting in the local pub. Maud: 'e could 'ave stowed away. Dame Hilda: Oh, now you're just being silly, dear. Isn't aunty Maud being silly, Milton? Yes, yes she is, and you've found your sea legs, haven't you, darling? Yes, come on then, come on now. pieces of eight, pieces of eight. Dr. Hinge: Really, Hilda, I despair, can we forget about Treasure Island and set off somewhere? Dame Hilda: Well, of course we can. Now come along, Maud, all hands on deck, and heave-ho me hearties. Dr. Hinge: Oh, my goodness. Hilda Hornblower strikes again.
{later.}
Dame Hilda: This is certainly the life Evadne. Dr. Hinge: Yes, I must admit I'm quite enjoying it, really. Dr. Hinge: She's sunbathing, dear. Dame Hilda: In her oil skins. Dame Hilda: Yes, give her a top hat and she'd look like John Bull. Are you enjoying yourself up there, Maud? Dr. Hinge: Where on earth is she going to post a card? Dame Hilda: She's probably going to put it in a bottle, dear, and drop it over the side. Dame Hilda: Steady, Maud, walk on all fours, dear. What, dear? Maud: I think I'll go downstairs and 'ave a lie down. Dr. Hinge: Feeling sick again, Maud? Dame Hilda: Well, I did tell you to keep your sou’wester on. Dr. Hinge: I'm glad she's moved from the front, dear, you know, she was running the risk of being harpooned. Dr. Hinge: I don't see why not. What did you have in mind, dear? shooting the rapids? Dame Hilda: No, but you see about a hundred yards ahead, look, straight? Dr. Hinge: Just about, dear, yes. Dr. Hinge: Oh, yes, yes, yes. Dame Hilda: Well, I think we should go down it, you know, get away from the main stream. Dr. Hinge: Yes, splendid idea, Hilda, why not, yes, must lead somewhere I suppose. Dr. Hinge: What do you mean, signal? Dr. Hinge: Oh, I see, good idea, Hilda, very well, you do, dear, and look out to see if people are crossing, won't you?
{Later.} Dame Hilda: I'm glad we took that turning, Evadne, you know, this is much more peaceful. We haven't seen another boat since we turned north. Dr. Hinge: Hmm, I know, you don't think it's a one-way street, do you? Dr. Hinge: Yes, dear, much narrower too, dear. Dame Hilda: Oh, that's no problem to a skilled helmsman. Dr. Hinge: Oh, no, no, I mean, it's getting even more narrow, isn't it, look? Dame Hilda: Well, that's perspective, dear, look, 200 yards away, it almost appears to come to an end. Evadne? Dr. Hinge: Yes, dear? Dr. Hinge: Well, Hilda, what are we going to do? Dame Hilda: Well, there's only one thing we can do, dear, a three-point turn. Dr. Hinge: There isn't room to turn round, Hilda. Oh, Hilda, we're in terrible trouble. Dr. Hinge: How can I calm down? we're going to be marooned like Robinson Crusoe, hopelessly stranded. Dr. Hinge: Yes, yes, I'll try. Dame Hilda: Good... we're stranded!! Dr. Hinge: Well, do something, well, put the brake on. Dr. Hinge: You know, do something, give it a kick, anything at all, come along. Dr. Hinge: We've got to stop. Dame Hilda: Yes, well, I know we have, but look out! We've stopped. You can get up now, Evadne. Dame Hilda: What is it, Maud? Maud: You won't believe this, all the crockery's broke and I never touched it. {Later.} Dame Hilda: Now, come on, you've established it's animal with animal connections and you've had 15. Dr. Hinge: Hilda Bracket, it is 2 o'clock in the morning. We are marooned in the middle of Norfolk, and all you want to do is play 20 questions. I am cold, aren't you cold? Dame Hilda: No. 16. Dame Hilda: You've asked that six times, Maud. Maud: Well, I'm 'ungry. Dame Hilda: Er, four. 17. Dame Hilda: Yes. 18. Dame Hilda: Yes. 19. Dr. Hinge: Oh, I'm getting warm, aren't I? Dame Hilda: Yes, 20. It's Mr Smollett's sister's cat. Dr. Hinge: I was just going to say that. Dame Hilda: You were not. You were miles away. Maud: Should I go up on deck and wave the lantern again, Dame 'ilda? Dame Hilda: Oh, I don't think so, Maud. Dame Hilda: Yes, but the only thing it attracted last time was about 40,000 moths. {Thud!} Dr. Hinge: Hilda, what was that? Dr. Hinge: I heard a noise. Dame Hilda: Nonsense, dear, you're imagining things. Maud: I 'eard it as well, Dame 'ilda, they've come to get us. Maud: Them! Dame Hilda: Well, it's probably a seagull landed on the deck. Dr. Hinge: Don't tell me that's a seagull. Dame Hilda: Oh, no, unless the seagulls round here have wooden legs. Maud: It's 'im! It's 'im! 'e's come for me! Dame Hilda: Maud, control yourself, where are you going, Maud? Maud, you'll never get through that porthole. Maud: I don't want to finish up in one of those 'arems. Mr. Edrich: Unintelligible Sailor talk. Dame Hilda: Oh, come in, Mr. Edrich. Now, how on earth did you find us? Dame Hilda: Oh, yes, from your bedroom. Dr. Hinge: Just a minute. You saw the lantern from your bedroom? Dame Hilda: You live across the field? Maud: Not likely. Dame Hilda: Maud, it's quite safe, dear, he has a wife. Maud: They all say that. Dr, Hinge: Well, that's splendid, Mr. Edrich, but how are we going to get across all that mud?
{Back home.} Dr. Hinge: You know it was very kind of Mr. Edrich to put us up for that night, wasn't it, dear? but still, I must say, it's very nice to be back home inside our own four walls again. Dr. Hinge: No, at least we didn't get scurvy or yellow jack or anything like that. Dame Hilda: And Mr. Edrich turned out to be such an agreeable man. Dr. Hinge: Yes, well, I must say, you did seem to see a lot more of him than I did. You were very late coming up to bed. What were you up to? Dame Hilda: Just extending our musical repertoire, dear, you know, for a master mariner whose life has been a saltwater odyssey, Humpherson has an instinctive grasp of the musical fundamentals. Dr. Hinge: Yes, I noticed he had strong hands. Dame Hilda: He taught me this very old smuggler's song. Dame Hilda: Yes. Now, let me think. Yes. Wait a minute. I've got it.
Ooh, ah, fa, la, dee, dee, da, dee. puffle da dee Hopping, shopping, Gamme, donut. Ooh, ah, fa, la
Dame Hilda: Yes. I can't remember the verses, but that was the title, I think.
Hail, Man o'wars men Safeguards of your nation Here is an end at last to all privation You've had your pay Spare all you can afford And welcome little buttercup on board. Ahoy!
Transcribed by Lorraine Taylor |
